Husband Not Helping with Baby Prep? How to Get Dad-to-Be Involved
You're Not Alone
"I've packed the entire hospital bag, and he hasn't even looked at it." "When I ask which crib to buy, he says 'whatever you think is best.'" "It feels like I'm the only one preparing for this baby."
If this sounds familiar, know that you're not alone. This is one of the most common frustrations among expecting mothers.
Why Does Your Partner Seem Disengaged?
1. The Experience Isn't Direct
You feel the kicks, the body changes—the baby is real to you. But for your partner, until the baby arrives, it's all an "abstract concept."
He's not uncaring; he just hasn't felt it yet.
2. Overwhelmed and Unsure Where to Start
Baby preparation involves so many areas: medical decisions, products, parenting knowledge... Many dads-to-be feel overwhelmed and default to "leaving it to the expert."
He's not unwilling to help; he doesn't know how.
3. Fear of Making Mistakes
"What if I buy the wrong thing?" "What if I choose the wrong hospital?" Some partners avoid decisions because they're afraid of disappointing you.
He's not avoiding responsibility; he's afraid of letting you down.
4. Increased Work Pressure
Many expecting fathers work harder during pregnancy, thinking "I need to earn more for the baby." In their mind, this IS contributing to the family.
He's not indifferent; he just shows it differently.
How to Get Your Partner Involved
✅ Give Specific Tasks
Don't say: "Help me with baby prep."
Say: "Can you compare these three strollers this week? I made a spreadsheet."
Specific, actionable tasks with deadlines work better than vague expectations.
✅ Assign Tasks That Play to Their Strengths
- Tech enthusiast? Let them research baby monitors and bottle warmers
- Good negotiator? Have them discuss rates with doula services
- Loves spreadsheets? Put them in charge of the baby budget
Leverage their strengths instead of expecting them to be you.
✅ Attend Prenatal Visits Together
Invite them to appointments. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound creates a tangible connection that boosts engagement.
✅ Use Collaboration Tools
Shared checklists or task apps let them see progress and claim tasks. Baby Checklist supports partner collaboration—both of you can track preparation progress in real-time.
✅ Express Feelings, Not Accusations
Don't say: "You don't do anything!"
Say: "I'm feeling overwhelmed doing this alone. If you could help with XX, it would mean a lot."
Acknowledge Their Contributions
When they complete a task—even if it's not exactly how you'd do it—acknowledge their effort first.
"Thanks for researching this. Let me look at your recommendations."
Positive feedback encourages continued involvement.
Final Thoughts
Preparing for baby is a journey you take together. Instead of resenting their lack of initiative, create conditions for them to participate.
Remember: They may not be uncaring—they just haven't found their way in yet.
Use our Partner Collaboration feature to make baby prep a team effort!
